Euphoria: {Vernation}

i am
these days it appears
attractive to young men
attracted too, of course, but that’s not news
and not newsworthy: young men are
attractive
by definition
even people who aren’t generally attracted to young men can see this
and even if they can’t see it, they are still
attracted to them
irrespective
their gender their inclination their
orientation
their emotion their wisdom their inhibition, their assessment of any given
situation:
whether they want to or not and believe that they are or that they aren’t
people
all people
are
always
attracted to
young men
(except those few who are not and they are few and are not and are therefore the
exception:
the rule
is confirmed)
what’s new is that more than before
more than ever
as far as i ever can tell
(and often i can’t)
or recall (and i could if i would)
men half my age or just slightly older or occasionally just slightly younger still too
come to me, seek me out
not i them
of the men i have met, spoken to, spent time and been with lately
most, though not all, have been those
that are half my age or slightly older or on occasion slightly younger even
and who have come to me, sought me out
not i them
this flatters me, of course, maybe honours me, but more than that does it
fascinate me
because i don’t do anything to attract them, not
consciously: if anything i do the opposite
i grow a beard
i wear a jacket left me by a friend more than ten years ago, which was vintage then
my shoes are worn out and my jeans
though skinny
threadbare
i don’t go to the gym i don’t wear my lenses i don’t
cultivate
a young voice or vocabulary
yet
young men
more than they have ever done before, even when
especially
when i was their age
come to me, seek me out
i don’t go after them. on a park bench at a party in a bar
even online
i mind my own business more or less
i say hello maybe, or
greet a smile with a smile
but that’s it
i don’t do anything more; maybe
that’s what it is
maybe that’s what makes me
suddenly, perplexingly
attractive
to young men: it may be that
in the past, when i was
their age
i was just trying too hard to be
something, someone, some other
person than the one that they saw
because they saw through me then to me now
and now
what they see is what they get
and if they are friendly and kind and intelligent too
(apart from being attractive: being young, they’re always
obviously…